“Your Cheatin’ Heart
Will Tell on You”
This old country-western song is being sung to Donald Trump by the Republican Party as stories of disease and sexual acting-out fill the airwaves.
Yet, what about Ivanka? Why do the women never seem important in these scenarios? They had only been married for a short time and he is talking about trying to have an affair with a married woman . . . unsuccessfully, thank goodness.
Yet, where are the women in all this?
Why have women been willing to buy into the set-up of being pitted against one another for male validation (no one has validation to give anyway) and attention?
We second-wave feminists had to ferret out in ourselves our deep cultural training to compete with one another for male validation and attention. Because of our belief in the Original Sin of Being Born Female, competing was all we had culturally. Then, as we felt better about ourselves, we let that go and spent more of our energy on sisterhood and working together for what was/is important. We came to know that no other human being – female or male – can validate another. At the same time, we enjoyed the sisterhood of other women.
There is not much being said about two issues here: 1) how deep the pain goes in us when being betrayed by a “sister” and 2) the responsibility that these “victims” have for the choices they made to move in on another woman’s (sister’s) husband.
Of course, there are those who were attacked and raped and that is a different matter. They are victims.
And, the women who – for whatever reason – chose to have an affair with a married man made choices. Why? What were the reasons they gave themselves/we give ourselves?
I know from my experience of being a wife whose husband had an affair, at a very deep level, the pain I felt by being betrayed by a “sister” went much deeper into my soul than what I felt being betrayed by someone who had vowed to love me.
We need more dialogue about these dynamics. Who ever thought these issues would be generated by a Presidential debate? Talk about the nitty-gritty of it all.
Our moral values as individuals and as a nation are, indeed, relevant – – – especially when they are integrated into the system we have and a better system we are hoping to create.
Yes, there are such things as power differentials – AND, if I am keeping myself or another woman in a position of victim, I am also being sexist. It is all an issue of levels of truth.
Our power returns when we take responsibility for our part in our choices, decisions, and behavior. Then, a personal power surges in which no one can touch