Self-Centeredness

In relation to the disease process of addiction, self-centeredness is seen as one of its basic characteristics.

Let us be very clear at the beginning. This kind of self-centeredness of the addict is way beyond what we would normally see in a selfish person.

In the addictive brand of self-centeredness, EVERYTHING that happens anywhere, anytime is either for or against that person.

Everything, absolutely everything is about them.

I have often observed that the self-centered person is almost completely out of touch with themselves because they are a prisoner of their self-centered thinking process controlled by their alcoholic thinking process.

Self-centered people do not recognize that there are others in the universe who have needs. Others only exist to meet their needs.

• Others are approached with the question – How can you be of service to me?

Self-centered people project their ideas and perspectives on others, seeing them as extensions of themselves. They are not good listeners even to themselves and certainly not to others.

They assume that the force of their personality is enough to control everyone in their sphere while underneath feeling very insecure and needing outside information to bolster their fragile ego. They will lie, distort, intimidate, and dominate to support their distorted view of the universe because they are the universe and everything else needs to fall in place accordingly.

Self-centered people are incapable of intimacy and do not and cannot have close, intimate relationships. They take hostages. Self-centered people have no moral base out of which to operate because they are the center of the universe and everyone and everything must fall in place to support that assumption because it is an illusion and constantly needs reinforcing.

Self-centered people are always self-seeking and self-serving. If they recognize that others have needs at all (which they usually do not) they see them as interfering with what is important – THEIR AGENDA.

All addicts are self-centered. Some more intensively and artful than others. All see themselves as the center of the universe and ARE the universe. Everyone else exists to meet their needs.

Self-centered people are exhausting to be around – particularly because they are always trying to make others conform to their universe. They can be very charming AND it is almost always in service of getting what they want.

Underneath their self-centeredness is often a kind of self-hatred and hatred of others.

For self-centered people, there is no such thing as valuable differences or the opportunity for differences. Everyone is either for or against them. Others are seen as objects to be manipulated.

Self-centered people are isolated, deeply lonely for themselves and others and totally out of touch with their own feelings and humanity. It is like they take up all the oxygen in the room.

They are also very angry because nothing ever works out as they wanted. If they have to distort reality to define the world as they want it to be (as with the perceived numbers who attended the inauguration) so be it. Verifiable truth has no meaning to them because the world IS as they define it. This is the addictive form of self-centeredness.

There is no moral base operating in advance stages of self-centeredness.

Self-centeredness, like the other characteristics of the addictive process, is progressive and ultimately fatal (often for themselves and others). Statistically co-dependents die younger than the addicts.

Self-centeredness is one of the most difficult characteristics to heal out of for recovering addicts and is a pillar of the disease.