I never thought I would be saying those words. And yet, if your rude, obnoxious, abusive, cavalier attitude and behaviors can help the cause of women – – well, thank you.
When I was a little girl – fifth or sixth grade – I went to the movies by myself. I was supposed to meet friends and when they did not arrive, I went in and sat down on an aisle seat with empty seats beside me. The movie started and still no friends so I settled in to watch the movie. After a while, a man came in and sat beside me. I hardly noticed as I was so engrossed in the film. Then, very stealthily, he put his hand on my knee and then very, very slowly started to run his hand up my dress.
This was the early 1940’s and no one was publically talking about child molestation then. Or, at least, I had not heard of it. So, what did I do? Did I scream, “What are you doing?” No, I sat there quietly trying to figure out how to handle the situation.
I waited until a change of scene – because in my child’s mind, it would make more sense if I got up and moved at a scene change. Don’t ask me why! It seemed logical at the time.
Then, I got up and moved. I did – after all – want to see the movie.
Did I tell the manager? No!
Did I tell my parents? No!
Did I tell my friends? No!
I just dealt with it!
Indeed, until the Trump “Boys,” I had not thought of this incident for a very long time. This is the first time I have shared it publically. (I don’t really know what Trump boy it was. You know what I mean – after awhile all alpha men begin to look the same).
Well the Trump boys have motivated me to take a good hard look at why we women choose silence. What woman wants to be labeled a liar in public by a powerful man with tons of money and lots of lawyers?
- No wonder women have tried to do their healing quietly and privately.
- It is not that we welcome the attention of men who consider themselves attractive and powerful.
- It is not that our perceptions agree with theirs of themselves. (Although my perception of men who believe this way is that this kind of behavior is really about their fragile male ego!)
- After all fragile male egos take a lot of shoring up.
No, as I processed these kinds of experiences with hundreds (thousands) of women all over the world, I have come up with some interesting observations.
- Women are almost always shocked by such boorish behavior. “How could anyone in their right minds possibly behave this way?”
- Many women have said that they actually feel sorry for the men.
- Women feel frozen in time. They, like my child, cannot even imagine what to do to get the situation back to “normal.”
- Women feel afraid. If men behave like this, what else might they do?
- Women feel responsible because of centuries of being brainwashed that we are responsible for men’s sexuality.
- Women feel afraid of the repercussions of speaking out. Thanks to the “Trump Boys,” the threat of a lawsuit by a powerful man with a cadre of lawyers might support this fear.
- Women feel incredulous that these men could deceive themselves into believing that because they are “powerful” in their own eyes, they can do whatever they want. If their thinking is this distorted, they could be dangerous. It’s better to get out of there and keep quiet.
- Why don’t we speak up?
Is it that we are shocked and afraid of the incipient threat of violence, ridicule, or legal action? Could it even be because we believe that we are somehow “responsible” because of something we did like being attractive, dressing as we please, or any other illusion of responsibility for bad behavior that is enough to keep us quiet? (Remember Eve and the apple?)
- Haven’t women been trained to believe from the time of the cavemen that men can do what they want to them when and how they want?
- We are still being told politically, legally, religiously, and privately that others can and will do what they want with our bodies.
Why haven’t women spoken up?
WE ARE! NOW!
Thanks to the Trump boys maybe the men of this nation will be ready to move beyond the cavemen mentality of the “Alpha Male” and join the human race as our partners.
Many Alpha Men have not seemed to be able to change by themselves.
Perhaps, AGAIN, they will need our help with this change process.
Many of us are still willing to BE OF HELP. – – – just not in the old Alpha Male ways.
And, maybe men need to get together among themselves to stop supporting this kind of Alpha Male behavior and realize that, as humans, they are capable of much, much higher levels of functioning.
They might even catch up with the women.
And then, just imagine what we can accomplish!
I know some men who are doing this healing and growing and they are delighted to find that their real brains are not in the heads of their penises.
It is good to see that even the worst behaviors can have meaningful outcomes when we learn from them.